it was like his penis was on wheels.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Best friends brother. Beat that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀