sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This house was built for laser tag.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
