Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.