I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that