The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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