Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
