Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
