Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
