fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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