Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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