youre lurking in front of me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
