It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
