please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
