he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
