I just made out with a guy for $7.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
