you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
