I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
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Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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