my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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