Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
