i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
