At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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