Well douche your snatch and let's go!
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
