i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
