Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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