i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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