Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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