He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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