If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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