perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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