why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
