Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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