please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
