He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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