It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
