Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
