Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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