so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
