3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
