it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize