genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
