I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
