Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
