I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
True strength comes from lack of pants
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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