Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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