woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
