Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
