what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
