If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
