i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
