Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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