We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
