If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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