Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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