I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
someone owes me an orgasm
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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