My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
