its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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