she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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