i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
