Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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