Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
