So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
