Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
