Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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