just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
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I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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