i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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